Customs and etiquette are a big part of traditional China, and the dinner table is one place where some of these traditions are still retained, especially if it is a formal or business dinner.
Seating Arrangements
There is a Chinese saying that is 对号入座(duìhào-rùzuò), which literally means “to sit in the seat with the correct number,” or more simply, “to choose the right seat.” Sitting in the right place at a formal dinner table is important knowledge you should have, especially if you are the host, since the host has the responsibility to telling who to sit where. The basic rules are shown in the diagram below:
An official way to sit at a formal dinner table.
The main host will be seated at the “head” of the table, and that seat is the one that faces directly the entrance to the room. Some restaurants will take the guesswork out of this by placing a specially folded napkin, different from the other seats, at the seat for the main host. The main guest, “main” usually because of position, seniority, or sometimes even respectability, will be seated on the right of the main host. The second most important guest is then seated to the left of the main host.
If you have a deputy who is hosting the dinner with you, and I recommend that you do, especially if you are drinking, he will be seated directly opposite at the other end of the table. The deputy will often help to order the food, ask for things from the waiters since he’s closest to the door, and pay the bill. The third and fourth most important guests are then seated to your deputy’s right and left respectively.
If there are still guests who warrant special attention, they will continue to be seated further and further away, to the right and left, of the main host. Once important guests have been taken care of, the remaining seats are generally less looked after, and the guests and your own guys will often sort themselves out, usually interspersing themselves.
Eating and Drinking
To start off the dinner proper, the main host will make the first toast to everyone, and will invite the main guest to start eating. It is considered polite for the rest of the table to start moving their chopsticks only after the main host and main guest have taken some food from the table. At this time, what is on the table will probably be a number of “cold dishes”, that is 冷菜(lěngcài) or 酒菜(jiǔcài), and as the name implies, that are meant to go with alcohol. The main host will then start the one-to-one toasts with the main guest, before moving to the second guest, and then round the table. The assistant host can then follow up with toasts to the main guest and then round the table as well. At this point, the guests can start toasting the hosts as well, and after a while, everyone should be just happily drinking, toasting one another.
Once sufficiently libated, the 热菜(rècài), that is “hot dishes” or main dishes, can be served. It is important when ordering to ensure that among the 热菜(rècài), there are a couple of “heavyweights”, for example, a fish, some other seafood, or certain specialties of the area. This is to make the guests feel that you have made the effort to make them feel important.
The drinking will continue while eating the 热菜(rècài), but it’s important to leave some 热菜(rècài) towards the end of the meal. This is because the host should then ask if anyone at the table wants any 主食(zhǔshí), that is “staples”. And to this question, there is no real right or wrong answer. Most Chinese will feel satiated only after they eat some staple, especially rice for the southerners, but if the host has really ordered a lot of food, it is quite polite to say that you don’t want any staple as well, partly to indicate that the host has been generous in ordering. If any staple is served, the alcohol will generally be finished up in one last toast to everyone, before starting on the staple and finishing the rest of the 热菜(rècài).
That might seem like a lot of things to remember, but don’t worry. At the end of the day, the Chinese will give you a lot of leeway as a foreigner, and you just have to pick things up along the way. Also, the Chinese themselves are becoming more relaxed about these customs too, so ultimately, just be yourself, and let your sincerity be the guiding light as you entertain, and build relationships as well as friendships, in China.