Even though I grew up in a traditional Chinese family in a predominantly Chinese Singapore, it was interesting that the sentiments I had with regards to gifting were rather western. I was actually 30 years old, and starting to take on the China market, when I learnt the phrase 礼多人不怪(lǐ duō rén bù guài) from my father.

But before we explain that phrase, a gift in Chinese is 礼物(lǐwù) , that is “a thing (物, wù) of 礼(lǐ)”, and 礼(lǐ) is one of five virtues that should govern human relationships, as espoused by Confucius. The five virtues are 仁(rén, compassion)、义(yì, justice)、礼(lǐ, etiquette)、智(zhì, wisdom)、and 信(xìn, integrity). As such, there has traditionally been set ways of behavior that govern human relationships, and these have come to be the accepted social etiquette norms or 礼(lǐ).

Now back to 礼多人不怪(lǐ duō rén bù guài). The phrase means “one won’t blame you if you are more courteous, that is carrying out more acts of etiquette, than necessary”. And just as the word 礼(lǐ) has come to be incorporated into the word 礼物(lǐwù) for gift, this phrase has come to be understood nowadays, as “one won’t blame you if you bring more gifts than necessary.” And that basically sets the first rule of gifting: bring something.

There are many commons gifts that one could bring to the Chinese world. For business purposes, local products and produce are popular choices, since they can be used to tell a story about your city, and makes things more personal as well. Other common gifts are shown in the photo below.

Between friends, there are lesser rules about gifting nowadays, but there are certain things to not give as gifts. For example, watches and clocks are generally not good gifts, as the term 送钟(sòng zhōng) sounds exactly the same as 送终(sòngzhōng), which refers to “funeral proceedings”. Sharp items like knives and scissors are usually not welcomed as well, since it could have the meaning of 一刀两断(yìdāo-liǎngduàn), that is to “cut ties and go separate ways”. And in Singapore, shoes are generally not gifted, since they also have the meaning of asking someone to “go away”.

So, the next time you go on a trip to China, whether for business or leisure, see if there are some things that are unique to where you come from, and bring them as gifts for your friends or business partners. The items don’t need to be of high value, but uniqueness and the 心意(xīnyì), or the kind thought, will go a long way in helping build your relationships.